hellomajortom | (no subject)

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Tom had heard from his wife about the chaos the night before. It wasn't surprising to him. He'd seen some crazy things at Ziggy's concerts; fainting, screaming, people being liberated from constraints and throwing off their clothes and God might only know what he missed in the crowds and papers. With the addition of angels, immortals, telepaths, and who knows what else something was bound to go awry. That it was Ziggy and one of his friends was a worry but also well within Tom's experience too.

When he woke up to a text from the twins asking to come and talk to him, he happily invited one or both of them to come to the house in the afternoon. It was the quiet time in the house. Ziggy would be elsewhere and Tommy would have gone out for his usual afternoon wanderings. It left Aletayria in the gardens and Tom with little to do.

He was making some tea to relax because he could imagine the topic that would be at hand when one or both of them arrived.

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"They don't necessarily separate things into sexual and non-sexual based on placement of touches. That is determined by the connection between the people." Tom could settle into this type of discussion easily enough. "Pressing the palms together is a sign of closeness and acceptance. If Aletayria did that with you the meaning would be vastly different than if she and I did that."

He pauses and the crinkles up his brows wondering if they know about Ziggy's biology. "I wouldn't give him a hand massage or put your lips there but he does handshakes all the time because that's human traditions."

“Oh...”

That was different than human behaviors. But it also meant that whatever attraction there was would come across regardless.

“Pressing of the palms, huh?”

Of course, since he was close enough to Isamu’s chair, he held his hands out to try it.

“The hands are a sexual organ of sorts, if I recall correctly.” Isamu noted. “I would assume this is safe, but variations on the concept, such as locking fingers, or even holding hands, would carry different meanings?”

Minoru certainly did that last night. And would have easily taken things as far as a hand massage had Ziggy not had an erection immediately. If he hadn’t been turned in by that point, that would have set off the same chain reaction for sure.

"You're turning an Anthean greeting into something human with human values." Tom interjects. "I think you're getting way too caught up in minutia and missing out on much larger concepts that would be more helpful."

Tom sighs. "You have to stop thinking like a human in some ways. Yes, the hands are involved in sex. They are also how an Anthean greets their children and parents which is absolutely not sexual. I will reiterate that for Antheans the meaning of touch is dictated by the interaction of the people involved not what the touch is."

Tom just has no idea how his own mind changed, being submerged in it probably. He was also free of the hang ups, fears, and discomfort Minoru faces. "I think we need to go back to basics before you two get carried away."

It was very difficult to not filter something through the lens of the human experience in order to understand it. Even Isamu found the thought exercise challenging.

Minoru leaned back in the chair, understandably frustrated.

“So, no matter what I do, he’s going to interpret it based on whatever our relationship is?”

The relationship, even the feeling of attraction itself, was extremely confusing to Minoru. It should be no wonder that Ziggy would also be confused. Turn up the effects of Anthean empathy, and of course there were going to be misunderstandings.

“How am I supposed to fix that?!”

“I believe the only reliable course of action would be an open and honest conversation with Ziggy.”

“That’s the problem! How do I even DO that? The minute I’m in his presence, I feel things! I feel drawn to him... It’s never going to be honest! He’s always going to feel like I’m using him, because by feeling these feelings at all, even a friendly hug... I’m getting something out of it and he’s not. I’m just as bad as the rest of his fans! He said so himself!”

"Humans do the same thing. A hug between friends is very different than a hug between lovers. Even those outside the relationship can tell sometimes." Tom sighs and tries to sort through all of this.

"I wasn't there for what happened but I don't think it is feeling his emotions that upset him." Tom swallows hard and speaks slowly because he is trying to find the right words to not be pushy or insulting. "From our current conversation it seems you want to have control of interactions and what you want is good. On the other hand, all I have heard from you is that everything he has done that might be affection is disgusting. That is a very strong and uneven dynamic that he might have picked up on without words. I know it is your sexuality and his not matching but you can't go around saying what I want is right and what you want is disgusting without there being backlash."

“I know! And I deserve it!” He exclaimed, burying his face in his hands.

That difference, that uneven dynamic and his part in it, was definitely top of mind.

“That’s... it’s why I texted you in the first place. I thought that if I could just, you know, not feel anything around Antheans, then things could just go back to making sense...”

"Why don't you want to feel anything about people you obviously care for an are close to?" Tom asks cautiously.

After some silence he adds. "You may not want to think of it in these terms but as someone who doesn't want sex a telepath who likes physical contact that isn't sexual may have some benefits to having intimacy without penetration coming on the table. I think you just need to find your wants and boundaries and talk to him about it. It may not be comfortable but Ziggy is open to many kinds of relationships if his past has said anything. Just... well our world being so intolerant of sexuality, gender and especially aliens he's sort of learned that quick sex and not lingering is safe. I wish he hadn't learned it but that is something too. He... the friends he trusted that might have had a relationship like you want are the people who assaulted him to end his career. There's a lot to take into account here but I'll help you as much as I can, or my wife can if you want a more alien perspective."

Tom’s question stopped Minoru in his tracks. Did he actually want that?

“Would it be more accurate to say that what you actually want is for the discomfort caused by experiencing these new, confusing emotions to stop?” Isamu interjected as he reached out and put a hand firmly on Minoru’s shoulder. “That will only come through letting yourself experience them. And it IS okay to experience them. And to talk about them.”

Even with Ziggy.
Or rather, especially with Ziggy.

“You are an emotional person. You always have been. It may not be expressed sexually, but - make no mistake - you feel, and you feel very deeply. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be you.” Isamu encouraged. “And if I were to hazard a guess, given that Antheans are an empathic species, I would say Ziggy probably likes that about you.”

The twins were quiet as Tom explained some of the things that might make the conversation hard from Ziggy’s point of view too.

“...He might be just as confused and uncomfortable as I am?”

He let the twins talk themselves through things without interfering. If he was honest, he was learning about the twins as they went on. Though he had met them there was always more information to know.

"Ziggy does like people who are caring." Tom agrees.

"I'm sure he respects your sexuality but controlling your body's reaction to other people isn't always possible. Getting sexually aroused around someone who isn't interested in sex but is interested in you has to be confusing."

Tom isn't about to mention the discomfort caused by the physical reactions. However, something else important comes to mind. "Ziggy, by Anthean standards, is only a teenager and he is dealing with both male and female emotions and biological responses."

Tom took a deep breath and then shook his head. "Ziggy has only had two years to adjust to humans as anything other than a parent."

“As confusing as someone who’s never been attracted to anyone actually being attracted to someone.” Minoru replied softly. “Just like how I can’t always control how my mind reacts to Anthean empathy...”

Isamu simply nodded.

Their emotions, or perhaps the discomfort over new (or relatively new) emotions, weren’t all that different, in that respect. One was a ninety year old teenager and one was a twenty four year old teenager.

"Or someone falling in love with an alien they find hideous and unnerving." Tom smiles broadly. God knows he's been in a similar situation. "It's helpful to think of the casual empathy more as a.. well I started off thinking about it as an augment to their tone of voice or eventually learned it's a replacement for facial expressions. It might be easier on you if you tried to link what you're feeling to his behavior or expressions. It felt damned invasive when I first felt it."

His own experiences might help, maybe, though he didn't have the exact same problems there had been plenty. "Deeper empathic connection is meant to be that; sharing emotions as communication."

Isamu smirked at the way Tom described his own relationship.

Minoru, meanwhile, was thinking deeply about Tom’s initial reaction to those empathic powers.

“Sharing emotions on a deeper level... I wanted to talk like that.” He admitted. “That’s what I thought the concert was going to be like...”

Instead...

“Instead, if we are to use Tom’s reverse engineering method, your feeling intoxicated is likely a reflection of Ziggy’s own intoxication - both metaphorically, as in the thrill of a performer engaging in their performance, and very, very literally.” Isamu proposed. “Perhaps similar to what Ziggy might feel from you after you land on that third rooftop well above a height that you could not survive falling. Were your situations and abilities reversed, of course.”

From a neurological standpoint, it was a fair comparison. Both elicited similar dopaminergic responses.

“...that makes a lot of sense!”

"A direct connection is private and takes consent, even as wild as Ziggy is." Tom comments. "Antehans who connect with the same person often can become bound. My wife senses me. Ziggy can feel the moment Hiroki enters the Nexus from his own universe. It's not something that they go into without talk and preparation."

"It's more than that." Tom says even if the basics were right. "His intoxication is an everyday things. He's self medicating to deal with humans. Thomas and my wife have methods other than cocaine."

Tom sighs a little and considers their description. "That would only be a part of it. Ziggy projects his emotions from being on stage but he also takes in what comes from the crowd and amplifies it when he sends it back. That's why huge crowds get crazy. I honestly didn't know how it happened until the other Antheans experienced it and could explain what was happening."

“Oh!” Minoru’s eyebrows went up. Suddenly, he understood why Ziggy considered that so intimate, far more intimate than physical sex. He hadn’t realized the implications.

“Right... Cocaine levels things.” Minoru remembered Tom mentioning it while Ziggy was literally overdosing.

“The concert was anything but level, however. Especially if the energy is continuously amplified in this empathic feedback loop.” Isamu cocked his head. It made it all the more impressive that he wasn’t affected. “From your description, dare I say that Mister Newton downplayed the levels of magnitude involved. Granted, he also finished the better part of a bottle of gin in our short, but enjoyable, conversation.”

Minoru, though, knew that Tommy had quite a bit to self-medicate for. Ziggy had told him a tiny fraction, and it still made him want to throw up.

Tom nods to the comments and then adds to Isamu's comment. "Only while he's performing but he comes off the stages he's amped up. From how Aletayria explained it doesn't alter other people's emotions but expands and increases one's own emotions. Love, peace, happiness, and similar emotions are most effected unless his mood turns sour."

Tom looks away because the more he learned about what happened to Tommy the more it disturbed Tom on a basic level. "Newton is very old and controlled. Between his military training and what humans did to him, his emotions are not roused by many things any longer."

"Gin is a painkiller and anesthetic. The human equivalent of double dipping in opium and pain pills."

Keeping Tom’s method in mind, Minoru nodded. “I was already happy and excited, but his powers increased it. When he was angry, I felt angry.”

He glanced at Isamu. “When I came running back to you, I was panicking. I thought I was losing my mind.”

Isamu nodded, corroborating the account of his brother crouching under the bar, pulling at his hair, apologizing for being a broken human. It was rather frightening to watch, actually.

“...which means Ziggy... he was scared...”

More pieces of the puzzle were falling into place: confusing emotions, cultural misunderstandings, and incredibly traumatic past experiences where the closest relationships resembling what Minoru wanted had ended in betrayal and pain. Anyone would be afraid in that situation.

Tom nods. He had rarely been around Aletayria when she was angry but the few times it had felt like madness.

"You have to consider that you may have started teaching him that the affection he has for you is just disgusting and traumatic. Rejection makes a lot of people angry and with his past and your behavior... Antheans hate hurting others. In their culture insult and injuring those close to you is.. I'm not sure there's a human equivalent for the kind of guilt they feel but it's bad. If the fear came up after telling him his behavior was harmful and unwanted I'm wouldn't be surprised fear was the response."

Tom sighs. "Their interpersonal workings are very complex. It'll take time to learn. I suppose it is just like any other culture on Earth. Think about the etiquette and social differences between say America and Japan and we're the same species."

That was quite an apt comparison. Even being raised in a mixture of both cultures, there were aspects and ideologies that were just incompatible. And yes, this was among humans.

Minoru sighed. “Running away was probably the worst thing I could have done...”

Unfortunately, at the time, it felt like the only thing he could do. It was just as much a compulsion as the words he yelled back in anger or the way he nuzzled against Ziggy in euphoric contentment. His own emotions, but exaggerated.

“I need to find Ziggy...” Minoru admitted.

Isamu, however, shook his head. While accurate, the words lacked the drive he’d come to expect from his brother.

“You were not halfway out of the door before those words came all the way out of your mouth. You are hesitating. You are afraid?”

“Hey, you’re the one whose name means courage.”

“And you are the one who consistently makes me question the old adage of increased probability of incorrect guesses on a fifty/fifty chance.” He replied dryly, but with concern when he added, “But despite my name, I hesitated in very much the same manner when it came to talking to someone that I am attracted to. I understandably wanted it to go well, and was naturally overthinking it. I had to take a page out of your book, really, and just... well, jump.”

"It is probably best you did. Things could have escalated and completely ruined your friendship, or whatever relationship you might have." Tom knew it probably felt wrong but arguments could easily turn to hurtful words, more than this one had.

"I would take your time." Tom warned gently. "You still don't know what you want... and as much as he could use the company right now, his emotions are probably burning him out right now." Tom sighs and feels the ache he knows his kid is feeling. "Hiroki was recalled to military duty in his own universe and we don't know for how long. Antheans don't do well with separation or the ideas of violence. He's going to be in a rough spot but looking for attention and company when you do decide to go."

Time to think and figure things out. That was something Isamu relished in. Minoru found himself dreading it and surprising relieved at the same time.

"Oh..." Minoru lowered his head, thinking about Hiroki and hoping he was all right. That had to have been sudden. It didn't come up at all the last time they hit the gym together, nor had Ziggy mentioned it. But he knew without a doubt how Antheans handled separation - and military duty was never without risk of death. He gulped. "In a rough enough spot that I need to be prepared to jump the fence again when I do?"

"I don't think we need to run another rescue operation yet." Tom tries to keep the conversation light because the reference was very dark. "I am considering reaching out to some of his closer friends to send them his way. I know Jack will check in on him when he remembers but that boy is just as wild as Ziggy."

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